My psychologist explained to me that she liked to get her girls to draw their eating disorder, a representation of it. I said sure but i didn't know what i'd draw, "what kind of thing do you want me to draw".
"However you picture your disorders holds onto you"
I instantly had an image in my head, not just an image though, an entire scenario but it would be hard to draw... how do you draw something that's in the dark?
My eating disorder to me, was a stone or steal thick enclosed box, no windows, no light, no bed, nothing. Me in a big back box with thick chains to keep me down. Within this black box i was haunted by a shadow. When i imagined my eating disorder, that was all i ever saw.
When i began recovery, i went back to this image but i didn't just leave it there. I burnt the door down, smashed it down, had to rip and yank and pull at those chains, i had to fight off that shadow at the door and i had to run through fire.
And that, my friends is a very, very accurate description of what you go through when you go through recovery for an eating disorder. It's as if you're escaping jail in hell, and if you fail it's a death sentence.
I don't understand why there is a stigma around eating disorders. Wait, no actually i do.
It's because we appear to do it all to ourselves, and that scares people... it makes a lot of people believe that it's all for attention.
This is a little bit ironic since when you have an eating disorder you do almost ANYTHING to hide it from everybody and not let anyone know, you are ashamed, you are scared and you do not want to have to be forced to eat. It's become your biggest fear.
I hope that there is a day, one day, when people see someones eating habits, recognise the symptoms and take their daughter, son, niece, nephew, grandchild, sister, brother, cousin, friend to a medical professional BEFORE that person is close to heart or kidney failure, before that person needs to be hospitalised for months and fed through a tube as they cry and hate themselves. It's just that there is so much stigma, people don't really know any of the signs apart from weight loss. When the person of concern says 'oh i've just been so stressed that i lost my appetite, weird. I'll be better after this exam' don't let it slide, don't go 'oh they've lost their appetite from stress or a break up or their parents divorce, they'll be okay soon though. No. Please look into it further, be sure.
The longer is goes on, the harder it is to let go of it. After, you are never, ever the same again.
If you see a friend look at food with a look of displeasure whilst picking at it at lunch, or taking an hour to eat an apple and then saying they 'forgot' their lunch for days on end, or that they 'just don't have time', please look after them.
People freely talk about car accidents, broken legs, food poisoning, the flu, chicken pox etc. whether it be an accident that was traumatic or an illness that kept you home from work, you talk about it!
But when it comes to mental illness, there is SO MUCH GOD DAMN STIGMA and it makes me sick.
People don't tell everyone when someone dies from an eating disorder, they keep it a secret, they try to cover it up!!
EATING DISORDERS ARE FATAL IF UNTREATED.
Eating disorders are not the individuals fault however the actions are self-inflicted, eating disorders and body dysmorphia are so real, and i can guarantee that at some point in your life you will know a person with an eating disorder or be affected in some way.
So don't be ignorant, don't let that stigma hang around, we want to get rid of it. Raise awareness.
It's not for attention.
It's not just stress.
It's not from the media or society.
It's not a 'phase'.
It's not something to be ignored.
It's not something to be uncomfortable around.
It's not something to be ashamed about.
It's not something to keep a secret, or try to handle yourself.
It may be the difference between someones life and death.
It is so very often life or death.
So again, i recognise that recovery can be compared to burning down doors, breaking them apart, yanking and tearing your way free from heavy chains and fighting every day through steal, fire and stone. It's a damn war.
But it is so worth it.
Don't let someone you know fight this war by themselves. They will fight you too, but they need you and they will appreciate it at the end of the war.
- unknown artist
http://healthsciencedegree.info/eating-disorder-drawings-tumblr/
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