'Normal' + weight loss propaganda.

Do recovered ed patients have better relationships with food and body image than most?

I can never describe to someone who hasn't had an eating disorder what the constant fight and struggle is.
The scariest part of this for me is that even though I can't describe this accurately to someone, most people in our society do experience some form of an eating disorder simply through the weight loss industry and it's god damn awful propaganda. I'll let you in on a little secret, it's all lies.

The thing is though, I legitimately believe that a lot of people who have/had eating disorders and experience recovery actually have a much healthier relationship with both food and their body than most women in our society.  I actually worry about people all the time because 'diet' behaviour is so prominent, I have been concerned for friends and family... I hear what people say and it's so triggering and if it's triggering, it's usually along the lines of 'I need to eat less' or 'I need to go burn off these calories' - i recognise the disordered sentences, they don't, and that's scary.
If i hadn't of suffered the way i did then i would probably still be stuck in yo-yo dieting, feeling pressure to 'eat less' of something, or get that summer body, get that bikini body, join the next craze or 'fad' etc.
Okay, well considering i do still struggle yes it gets really hard sometimes seeing magazines, especially around summer... i usually just avoid magazines this time of year.
But honestly since recovery i have learnt SO MUCH, developed so much respect for both food and myself, i have a goal now to be more intuitive and to not let food be a big thing in my life.

People in our society are taught that associating food and guilt is normal and acceptable, that if you eat healthy then you are 'allowed' a scoop of ice-cream, or if you eat a certain way and exercise a certain amount then you 'earn' a 'cheat' meal. That if you are planning on going out to a big dinner or going to a party/feast to not eat lunch that day. Women are constantly following 'bikini body challenges', 'low-fat', 'low-carb', 'high-protein' or simply low calorie diets - YIKES!
Good bye sanity and hello damaged metabolisms and increased stress levels.

For people who experienced this in such a severe way that it nearly killed them, well they kind of see how foolish and stupid this all is.
Seriously media? 1500 calories? diet plans that suggest 1200 calories per day... 'here you go, have an eating disorder'
There are solid studies out there that show that eating disorders can come on simply by lowering the intake, it's a trigger to the switch, it makes you think about food, it spirals out of control because your brain can't function normally - and welcome to living hell.

Like, humans think they are SO SMART, they can go to university, get fancy jobs and drive fancy cars. We solve math equations and discover scientific phenomenon yet when it comes to something as simple and biologically vital as eating and hunger, we purposefully ignore our hunger, a vital thing for survival, a biological alarm - we are told to ignore it, we feel proud if we ignore it. We congratulate our free-will, feeling dainty for small eating salads and vegetables. W.T.F?
Hunger IS vital and should ALWAYS be honoured.

Managing your food, concerned about your weight, that your jeans are that tiny bit too tight - all normal worries in our society.
NO! - normal does not have the potential to lead to death by starvation, or to lead to binge and purge cycles. These things are not normal. Dieting is not normal. 

Summer is NOT a legitimate excuse to limit your food or ignore your physiology and vital needs

Pizza and chocolate does NOT = the devil 

Neither do your love handles or your cute butt!

I'd also just like to point out the whole western craze with 1200-1800 calorie diets.
They make no sense, in European schools they teach that an active woman needs at least 2400, the USDA supports this, even lightly active females sit at around 2200, Gwyneth Owlyn from YourEatopia links to research the average unwatched average is ~3000 calories.

This is a short rant on the topic, and just to encourage anyone attempting some crazy way to lose weight for summer to stop. Just stop. You want to repair your metabolism, you want to eat what you like and exercise the way you want for as long as you WANT. Put away the food scales and the bathroom scales, say hello to freedom and goodbye to dieting fads or low calorie diets. Low calories = internal damage and unhappiness. 

*disclaimer: I am not encouraging you to go and eat junk food for every meal, or to eat to stages of discomfort. I am a huge advocate for taking away the concern of eating 'wrong', i believe in eating healthy and intuitively BUT if you crave chocolate or some hot chips/fries to go for it! My favourite at the moment is nachos (without cheese for ethical reasons) corn chips + salsa + avocado = perfection.

Next post with draw on the disclaimer more with a focus on intuitive eating.

-Sequoia <3 xx

ED awareness week!

I sat in that big comfy red chair, hunched and mentally completely withdrawn. My body was split between feeling vulnerable, upset, scared and wanting to get angry or defensive.
My psychologist explained to me that she liked to get her girls to draw their eating disorder, a representation of it. I said sure but i didn't know what i'd draw, "what kind of thing do you want me to draw".
"However you picture your disorders holds onto you"

I instantly had an image in my head, not just an image though, an entire scenario but it would be hard to draw... how do you draw something that's in the dark?
My eating disorder to me, was a stone or steal thick enclosed box, no windows, no light, no bed, nothing. Me in a big back box with thick chains to keep me down. Within this black box i was haunted by a shadow. When i imagined my eating disorder, that was all i ever saw.

When i began recovery, i went back to this image but i didn't just leave it there. I burnt the door down, smashed it down, had to rip and yank and pull at those chains, i had to fight off that shadow at the door and i had to run through fire.
And that, my friends is a very, very accurate description of what you go through when you go through recovery for an eating disorder. It's as if you're escaping jail in hell, and if you fail it's a death sentence.

I don't understand why there is a stigma around eating disorders. Wait, no actually i do.
It's because we appear to do it all to ourselves, and that scares people... it makes a lot of people believe that it's all for attention.
This is a little bit ironic since when you have an eating disorder you do almost ANYTHING to hide it from everybody and not let anyone know, you are ashamed, you are scared and you do not want to have to be forced to eat. It's become your biggest fear.

I hope that there is a day, one day, when people see someones eating habits, recognise the symptoms and take their daughter, son, niece, nephew, grandchild, sister, brother, cousin, friend to a medical professional BEFORE that person is close to heart or kidney failure, before that person needs to be hospitalised for months and fed through a tube as they cry and hate themselves. It's just that there is so much stigma, people don't really know any of the signs apart from weight loss. When the person of concern says 'oh i've just been so stressed that i lost my appetite, weird. I'll be better after this exam' don't let it slide, don't go 'oh they've lost their appetite from stress or a break up or their parents divorce, they'll be okay soon though. No. Please look into it further, be sure.
The longer is goes on, the harder it is to let go of it. After, you are never, ever the same again.

If you see a friend look at food with a look of displeasure whilst picking at it at lunch, or taking an hour to eat an apple and then saying they 'forgot' their lunch for days on end, or that they 'just don't have time', please look after them.

People freely talk about car accidents, broken legs, food poisoning, the flu, chicken pox etc. whether it be an accident that was traumatic or an illness that kept you home from work, you talk about it!
But when it comes to mental illness, there is SO MUCH GOD DAMN STIGMA and it makes me sick.
People don't tell everyone when someone dies from an eating disorder, they keep it a secret, they try to cover it up!!
EATING DISORDERS ARE FATAL IF UNTREATED.
Eating disorders are not the individuals fault however the actions are self-inflicted, eating disorders and body dysmorphia are so real, and i can guarantee that at some point in your life you will know a person with an eating disorder or be affected in some way.
So don't be ignorant, don't let that stigma hang around, we want to get rid of it. Raise awareness.

It's not for attention.
It's not just stress.
It's not from the media or society.
It's not a 'phase'.
It's not something to be ignored.
It's not something to be uncomfortable around.
It's not something to be ashamed about.
It's not something to keep a secret, or try to handle yourself.
It may be the difference between someones life and death.
It is so very often life or death.

So again, i recognise that recovery can be compared to burning down doors, breaking them apart, yanking and tearing your way free from heavy chains and fighting every day through steal, fire and stone. It's a damn war.
But it is so worth it.

Don't let someone you know fight this war by themselves. They will fight you too, but they need you and they will appreciate it at the end of the war.

- unknown artist

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