During my eating disorder, I basically felt like i was dying... they say how sad cancer is, and I agree that it is horrible, but it's even sadder that people are choosing to kill themselves slowly and painfully over months, or years.
Going from a vibrant, pretty 53kg 16 year old who was complimented her whole life on her bubbly and enthusiastic personality and her intelligence slowly dissolved into a 38kg lifeless 17 year old void of any personality at all.
Lack of a personality, i don't mean i was just boring, i mean talking to me would have been like talking to a wall... i had no response because all i ever heard in my head was 'your body, food, don't eat, your body, but food'
I feel like this image, rather than showing the transformation in your body through anorexia and recovery, I feel this shows emotional and energy levels much more accurately.

Left photo - within the first week of recovery
Right photo - my formal, where i ate the food and drank the champagne and had an amazing night!
So, i'll get around to doing a post on the physical effects of an eating disorder, but this post I think i'll focus on the emotional ones.

 Feeling that life is pointless
Losing all desires for a future, or rather, all future seems unapproachable because well... what future is there for someone with an eating disorder? A life full of thoughts of food and body and nothing else, or death. A family becomes almost impossible to imagine because how can you love someone when all you can think about is yourself and what goes into your stomach?
 Feeling as though you will never feel positive or alive again.
Giving up basically all hope, being extremely judgmental of yourself and lacking any intrinsic motivation to complete any task or make any changes.
Food is such a huge desire yet off limits and exercise is seen as a punishment or a chore and treated like a form of torture on the body.

Unable to form appropriate emotions
Lashing out a lot, feeling constant emptiness accompanied by anger and irritability. This has a huge stress impact on your loved ones. I remember the look on my mothers face for months on end when i was at my sickest, looking back i realise she was constantly stepping on thin ice.

 Lacking all interest in academia and intellect
Spending entire 6 hour days at school looking at low calorie recipes, is not glamorous or fun at all.. it's a waste of cognitive function, oh wait... there is none of that because you're brain is so starved of nutrients it refuses to think of anything else except 'god dammit feed me!'

Emotional instability, crying for no reason, highs and lows... i don't even think i need to go into this one. Basically you never even know how you feel

I've been bombarded with study, so this is late and not as inclusive of all emotional impacts as i would have liked

next weeks post will be 'Why recovery?' and 'Where do i start?'